You are not allowed in business class Sir, get back to your seat.

Can you please get back to seat, Sir? I know you’re just talking to your friend or your brother or your uncle for a quick minute. But rules are rules. Just like you’re not allowed liquid, gels and aerosols exceeding 100 ml, the curtain between coach and business class is also a restriction and you should abide to it whoever you know is in front. Those in FRONT are allowed to get to see you at the BACK, but if they don’t bother to come and see you, chances are they don’t care as much as you thought.

Do you want to test how strong your friendship is? Travel in two different classes on board an aircraft. Yes I know you can afford business class. That’s why you chose coach in the first place right. Yes, I also know you want to pay your upgrade now that the seatbelt sign went off and we reached cruising altitude. Just when there’s no check in counter to cash in your payment from your black credit card which you’re bragging about. But you haven’t showed it yet and I’m still waiting to see.

All that for what? For an extra 10cm on each side of your seat, a hot towel and an orange juice as pre takeoff drink. Great way to spend $3000 for a 3 hour flight. You want to hear people saying your name a couple of times because you’ve been showing some early signs of Alzheimer? Because that’s all business class is about. Calling people by their names because they can’t remember theirs. That would explain the 95% price difference between a 6cmx6cm hot towel, a bottle of orange juice at $4.30 from Whole Foods and 10 cm of seat material. Because what you don’t know is that the meal you’re having in coach is exactly the same in business. OK, We’re serving it in Chinaware. OK, you get 2 forks and 2 knives made of metal instead of the plastic cutlery to remind you that you can be as dangerous as inmates from Louisiana State Penitentiary.

That’s the reason why you’re in coach and not in business. People who belong to business class don’t pay a coach ticket and then make a scene on board about upgrades they can pay once we’ve left the runway. Bitch, if I had the power to upgrade anything, I would upgrade myself first. I graduated with a masters in Hospitality and Management. I currently speak Spanish and Italian. You can’t be thinking I was dreaming of waitressing a jerk like you when I signed up these college loans. Clearly I had to set my expectations to lower levels when the economy went into recession when I finished my thesis on the “techniques to ensure customer satisfaction”. But to be honest I had no idea I was signing up for this kind of shit when i went through 8 weeks of emergency procedures, lifesaving, and customer service training. And by shit I mean your attitude Sir. Your attitude is not business classy at all.

See. Period. That curtain was invented to mark a boundary between the rich and the poor. Those who have a little more money than you do, don’t mind spending it to be reminded how to spell their names. That’s what you do when you have too dmuch money and don’t know how to spend it. Because filling out landing cards is so hard these days. Going through the duty free can be so confusing sometimes. Rich people don’t travel business class. They fly private jets. They don’t go duty free shopping bragging about the new eau de Chanel or Acqua Di Gio from Armani like you. They get these perfumes for free from the designers themselves (when you make that much money, you don’t buy things, you get them for free) and are more likely to be on the advert that made you buy it. Because you want to be like them. But you’ll never be.

That’s why you’re in coach, at the back, where you belong, with the poor. If you’re not happy maybe you should complain to wall street and the capitalist system. Because I have nothing to do with how the system works. I am just doing my job. Now if you got issues at your workplace, or your chronic weight again, or the size of your dick shrinking due to the high amount of fat stocking up above your pelvis reducing its size. Maybe you should cut the double cheese burgers and the 24 chicken nugget pieces for $4.95 from Mcdonalds for some running sessions two times a day. Then maybe, the sugar drop will make you think clear and have a more sane demand which matches the class you belong to.

You think you have civil rights, but in the plane you don’t have rights. I might be your bitch but you’re my bitch more than I am yours. If I say sit you sit, If you don’t you’re in trouble. And you don’t want the police to put sliver gucci guilty handcuffs on arrival because you’ll be in custody for 24 hours. Which means that you’ll lose one day of your last minute deal and your trip will be ruined. Now you can try to claim a refund but not abiding to cabin crew instructions is an offence. Try the Tokyo Convention when you’re done reading the next KFC menu.

Now get back to your seat and shut the hell up like the rest of your inmates. Don’t try to make eye contact. I got hot towels to wet for people who paid for some extra attention in the class in the front. If you need anything, put it on your christmas wish list because I’m not Santa. Did I make myself clear?


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