Dating in the air

Some day my prince will come…

Snow White must have been high on Mosanto apples the day she came up with that stupid song. I’ve been waiting for this prince to come but maybe his gps got fucked up or something. Trust me, if you expect to find a prince on board these days stop looking. They’re neither forward, mid nor aft of the plane.

I’ve been walking the aisles of that plane up and down but no prince. I was so desperate I started looking in economy class (sigh). First is not what it used to be. It’ s either empty or fully booked by some weird guru worshipping whatever tongue sticking godess wrapped in cheap frock and his slaves. He might be worth $50 million. Not happening.

Business class is full. Full of attention seeking brats who thought manners were optional. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ are priceless but worth more than all your miles. Life advice of the day, if he orders something and starts with ‘get me’ he’s not a keeper. Bonus: picking food from the floor has nothing business classy. I’m not putting my tongue in a mouth which had contact with an object proving Newton’s law of gravity.

So here I am in economy. My eyes are scanning the place hoping to find the perfect one. But they’re all newly weds. Like marriage can stop a desperate air hostess? I could be the mistress. We’d meet whenever I have a layover in his city. He’d tell his wife he has to stay late or he has a business trip. And I’ll get him to divorce her. And he’ll be mine.  

We make eye contact. I pronounce the three magic words “chicken or fish?” He answers “chicken” takes his tray and starts eating. 

That’s it. I’m giving up. I’m not looking anymore. Romance is dead. Didn’t your mama teach you some manners? If your man thinks about his stomach before yours, leave him on the spot. Don’t look back. Don’t give any explanation. Just leave the plane at once. Even if the slides are on the “armed” mode. Just lift the lever and leave all luggage behind.

I didn’t find a prince but he’s a keeper. When we watch tv I get to chose the channel. When we eat, I get my choice first.  He even lasts longer than the average one minute man. Last longer, I mean he can go one full hour. He’s THE man I’ve been looking for.

Gotta find a seven-eleven after this flight. I need a new pack of AA batteries for my prince. He’s greedy but I can’t blame him. Can’t wait to be home, dildo.


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