Aircraft property

Aircraft property are not giveaways. I know you paid a shit load of money to fly but you are not entitled to take anything on board as a little souvenir.

I know your type. You stock all the bathroom amenities from your hotel everyday and ask for more body lotion and shower gel because you think they’ll look cute on your bathtub at home. 

You look at the curtains and project them in your bedroom. You took the batteries from the remote before you checked out and think two more hangers couldn’t have harmed nobody. There’s not enough space in your carry on for that comfy 100% cotton bathrobe. If you leave the bedsheets, it will fit!

I never thought there would be anything to take from a plane. At least nothing that wouldn’t get unnoticied if I tried to remove them: like a seat or the lavatory door. 

But that would be underestimating our takeaway expert. With so many miles on their reward card, they know their goodies so well they don’t even ask. They just take it. 

Giving back an empty tray is very suspicious. You thought they were takeaway? Don’t be surprised if on your return flight we serve your food on the floor. We all know that’s where all the seasoning come from. No MSG no palm oil. Be careful for allergens though. People have been to the lavatories.

If you’re cold on the plane, the bathrobe you snatched from your hotel will keep you warmer than the paper rice we call blanket. You won’t get any extra pillow either because the last one you took is full of cat hair. Why bother washing them when you can take as many as you want and throw the old ones away. You wouldn’t feel at home if you can’t act like you’re at home. Just help yourself.

You want to keep the cutlery because you find them so cute. And then you’re going to use it at home when your guests have desert or stir your coffee. The thought that these same cutlery have been in millions of mouths before you is enough to make me barf. But the thought that your guests will be using them too. That’s too much.I’d rather stir my coffee with my finger. At least I know I’m the only one who’ve used it.

Ladies and gentlemen we have just landed. Please be careful while opening overhead racks as the blankets and toilet rolls you’ve stocked above might cause injury to you or people in the vicinity. We hope to see you with all the aircraft property on the next trip. Specially the left wing and the landing gears. 

Your dedicated cabin crew with a hint of hospitality and loads of sarcasm.


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